Watch what people do over time and under stress. Believe what you see.
The friend whose emergencies become yours. The partner who was perfect for three months. The colleague everyone loves whose failures are always someone else's. The relative who can start a war with one sentence. What they share isn't a diagnosis; it's a pattern of behaviour, recognisable early if you look at what people do instead of how they seem. This book gives you the seven patterns, the tactics by name (love-bombing, intermittent reinforcement, gaslighting, DARVO, triangulation), a method for testing people deliberately without becoming paranoid, and the tools that work on almost all of them: boundaries, grey rock, and exits.
- The full playbook (about 26 pages, phone or laptop)
- Behaviour, not labels: why 'they seem normal' is not evidence, and why patterns, not incidents, are what count
- The seven patterns of instability and the eight manipulation tactics, each with its tell
- The slow-reveal method: slow the pace, watch the three windows, test a small boundary, wait for the first repair, keep a dated record
- Boundaries in the two-part structure, the extinction burst, grey rock for people you can't leave, clean exits, the hoover and the smear
- Romance, family, work and money; your own hooks; recovering your judgement; not becoming the thing; and when it is abuse and needs help
- A 30-day plan and eight worksheets, including the inventory and the record
What's inside
Behaviour, not labels
Why labels fail, the problem with 'they seem normal', pattern versus incident, and your own reaction as data.
What instability looks like
The permanent emergency, volatility, the trail of villains, rules that change, stories that don't hold, treatment of people who can't help them, and the absence of repair.
The tactics
Love-bombing, intermittent reinforcement, gaslighting, DARVO, triangulation, guilt and obligation, urgency, the silent treatment, each with its defence.
The slow reveal
Character under time, stress and no audience; the six-step method; the inventory; and a deliberate guard against paranoia.
Boundaries that hold
The two-part structure, why explanation fails, the extinction burst, and the dated record as the defence against gaslighting.
Grey rock and exits
Becoming uninteresting as supply for people you can't remove; deciding to leave, the one-sentence exit, the hoover and the smear.
Arenas
Romance, family, work and money: the same patterns, different handling by what you can and can't leave.
Your part, and recovering your judgement
The hooks that make you findable, the pattern in your own history, the immune system; rebuilding perception, normal, no and relationships afterwards.
Not becoming the thing; when it is more than manipulation
Staying generous by default; the signs of abuse and the helplines, because some situations are for help, not boundaries.
The 30-day plan and worksheets
See, hold, decide, rebuild. Feeling list, inventory, record, boundaries, exit decision, arena rules, your part, day-30 review.
Is it for you?
Who it's for
- People who keep ending up with the same kind of person, in love, friendship or work, and want to understand why.
- People with one person in their life right now who is costing them far more than anyone should.
- Anyone who wants to be harder to manipulate without becoming hard.
- People recovering from a destabilising relationship who want their judgement back.
Not for you if
- You want to diagnose your ex. The book is deliberately about behaviour, not labels, and it never uses a diagnosis as an insult.
- You want permission to see manipulators everywhere. Part 11 exists to stop that; the method clears most people.
- You are being hurt, controlled or threatened. That needs a helpline or the police, not a boundary conversation; Part 12 has the numbers, and please use them first.
Who's behind this
Red Flags is written by Manthan Bhendkar, founder of Asendify, whose playbooks take one hard problem, strip out the folklore, and turn what works into a method with worksheets.
This one is built on the research on covert aggression, DARVO, gaslighting and intermittent reinforcement, on the practical literature on high-conflict people and boundaries, and on the coercive-control research that marks where manipulation ends and abuse begins. It is careful, throughout, not to pathologise: it is about what people do, not what is wrong with them.
Questions
Is this about narcissists?
It's about behaviour patterns, not diagnoses. The book never tells you what's wrong with anyone, because the label doesn't change what you should do. It gives you seven observable patterns and eight named tactics, and asks you to require patterns over time, not single incidents.
Will it make me paranoid?
It's designed not to. The slow-reveal method is specific so that most people pass it, and Part 11 is entirely about staying generous by default, clearing people with the inventory, and checking your own behaviour against the same patterns.
What if the person is family and I can't leave?
Part 6 (grey rock) and Part 8 (the family arena) are for exactly that: boundaries as rules about you, information shared sparingly, distance as a dial, and the acknowledgement that low contact and no contact are legitimate choices.
Does it cover the workplace?
Yes: everything in writing, agreements confirmed by email, credit documented, a dated record of incidents, grey rock in meetings, and an exit plan, because a manipulative manager is one problem where the fastest fix is a different job.
What if it's worse than manipulation?
Part 12 lists the signs of abuse (physical harm, control of money or movement, monitoring, threats, coercion) and the helplines for the UK, US and India, and tells you not to announce a departure but to plan it with people who know how.
What counts as results for the guarantee?
By day 30: your circle inventoried and scored, a dated record running for three weeks, at least one boundary stated and held through a test, a decision about the highest scorer acted on, and three drifted relationships reopened.
How does the Double Money-Back Guarantee work?
Apply the 30-day plan in the book. If you don't see results within the first month, email montybhendkar@gmail.com with your licence ID and we refund you double what you paid.
How do I get it?
Right after you pay, a download button appears on this page, and the link is emailed to you. The link works for 30 days and up to 10 downloads.
Why is my name on the PDF?
Each copy is licensed to one person. Your name and a unique licence ID are printed in it, which stops copies being passed around and resold.
How do I know a payment request is really from you?
We only take payment through this checkout or an invoice emailed from an @asendify.co address. Our only official WhatsApp is +91 90960 82894. We never ask you to pay a personal account, UPI ID, crypto wallet or gift card. If anyone does, don't pay, and email montybhendkar@gmail.com.
Get the book
The patterns, the tactics, and the tools that get your life back from the few people who take it, with a 30-day plan.
🛡 Double Money-Back Guarantee. Apply the 30-day plan in the book. If you don't see results within the first month, email us and we refund you double what you paid.